What Makes a Man
by Willful Redhead
Summary: Newly married, Adam and Hannah, spend a "honeymoon" hunting down strays.
1. Chapter 1

_Here's another story. This isn't in the future like the others, but somewhere in the first season, early on. I hope you enjoy and as always really enjoy reading your reviews._

Hannah Moss McFadden waited at the edge of the meadow, uncertain. She had only been a McFadden for four months, and some things still overwhelmed her. Helping to drive a herd of cattle to the southern pasture was pretty high on the list. She had lived nearby on her grandfather's ranch, until at ten, when her parents had split, she and her mother had moved away. After her father had died, her mother sold the ranch, and so her memories of ranch life were old and fuzzy.

It wasn't just the specifics of knowing what to do and when to do it, that frayed her nerves. It was The Brotherhood. Maybe if her husband had warned his six brothers that he was bringing home a wife, or maybe if he had let them meet her before they'd married, then maybe they would have been more accepting and less shocked. She hated disappointing them. She wanted to impress them, or at least not to screw things up while Brian was watching. He wasn't exactly her biggest fan.

Some days, she felt overwhelmed by her desire to be fully accepted, and she wanted nothing more to go upstairs and hide in the bedroom. She wished on those occasions that it was just her and Adam, starting out their lives together - alone. Then she would feel horrible and guilty. Adam had shouldered the responsibility since he was seventeen, and at twenty-three she was running from it like a scared child. Shame would wash over her, and then she would believe there was a good reason they didn't accept her fully. But then when she was at her lowest, Guthrie would move to sit beside her and rest his head on her shoulder, or would bring her a bouquet of wildflowers he'd found on the way home from school, and tears of gratitude would spring to her eyes. How she had longed for a real family of her own! And now, one had been given to her. Hope would return to her, strengthening her.

"Alright, you got this girl." Adam said riding alongside her. "The boys will drive 'em this way, and you me are gonna turn them up toward that pasture."

"Okay." She said her voice unsure.

"This is easy, Hannah." He smiled at her. "If you can keep six men in clean socks, driving a herd of cattle should be no problem."

"Laundry I understand, and it isn't likely to stampede you." She said trying to laugh.

"Don't worry, baby. We got this." He winked at her and tilting his hat said, "Here they come. Come on! Sit up tall and make yourself look bigger than you are!" He rode confidently toward the incoming herd and miraculously they began to turn. She pulled on the reigns and followed after him, turning out even wider to catch the stragglers and to avoid the center of the herd. She was amazed that just their presence could be enough to make a hundred head of cattle do as they were directed.

Later, as they returned to the barn, she was flooded with relief that she hadn't embarrassed herself or her new husband. But mostly she was relieved that the cattle were moved, and that she didn't have to think of having to lead them anywhere else.

"You did really well, Hannah." Crane said smiling at her.

"Thanks." She said unbuckling the saddle. "I was pretty nervous." She confessed. She and Crane were the same age, and if she hadn't moved to Denver, they would have been in the same class at school. He was quiet and thoughtful, and had been quick to accept her into the family.

"You've got nothing to be nervous about." He told her. "Ranching takes years and years to learn, and none of us got it down perfect, yet. Except, maybe your husband, but Dad always said he was a born rancher." Crane said looking up at Adam who was putting his saddle away.

"You are leaving out the part where I protested and told him I would never be a rancher!" Adam said turning to Hannah. "Here, honey, I got that." He said taking the saddle that she carried.

"Thanks." She smiled at him. "I guess I'd better work on dinner." She turned and squeezing Adam's arm she walked towards the house.

The house was still a wonder to her. It was beautiful, especially once she'd made them clean the inside. She had lived most of her life in apartments and trailers, and could never have imagined she'd live one day in so beautiful a house. She loved the wide porch that wrapped around the side, and the big picture windows that looked out over the land.

Standing in the kitchen settled her nerves. Cooking was something she was pretty good at, and so it was here that she felt the least nervous. Cooking for seven starving men was no small thing. At first, she never quite made enough food, but she had learned that if she made about twice as much as she thought she needed everyone would walk away full.

***7***

"Brian, how come you never cooked like that?" Ford teased his older brother, pushing back from the table.

"How come you never did?" Brian responded angrily.

"I'm just a kid." Ford said laughing. "Don't get all huffy. You can't help it if Hannah's a better cook than you."

Hannah grimaced and turned toward the sink to start on the dishes. Her relationship with Brian was complicated enough, she didn't need Ford making it worse. She looked out the window and watched the sun fading over the hills beyond and couldn't help but smile. There was a window over the sink in her tin-can trailer too, but all she ever saw when she looked out it, was the back of an old sign.

***7***

"We're missing six." Crane said.

"Yep." Brian said. "I guess we'll have to go out after them."

"You sure they aren't just straggling?" Adam asked.

"Daniel and I looked all around. They must still be up near the tops. I figure a day to ride up, and a couple of days searching. Should be able to find 'em and drive 'em down in about four or five days." Brian looked at Adam. "What's the matter? Can't leave her for more than ten seconds?" His voice was bitter.

"Knock it off, Brian." Crane said. "What are you nine years old?"

"Why don't you like her?" Adam asked.

"I like her fine, I guess." Brian relented. "I just don't . . . I don't like things changing. It used to be you and me, making the decisions and now you got her. I don't know." He sighed.

"You think I could manage the boys without you?" Adam asked him. "And what, I am supposed to live my whole life alone, so that you feel comfortable?" Adam felt an anger rising. "I love her Brian, and you are being stupid. She could've run out of here when she saw all the boys. She should have, but she stayed. And she's trying hard every day to make you like her. You've seen how she is with Guthrie. You think one woman in a hundred would put up with all this? She's family now, and it is high time you stopped acting like a spoiled child and accepted that." He turned and stormed out of the room.

Crane studied Brian who looked as though he'd been struck.

"I never said I didn't like her." He said weakly.

"Could of fooled me." Crane told him. "Everything about you says, 'Go away.'"

"You are happy that he just showed up with her?" Brian asked Crane.

"He gave up everything. He was just about to leave for college. He never wanted to run this ranch, and he did it all for us. Who am I to say he can't have some happiness? And he's right, Brian, she's really good to us. I like her. I like her a whole lot." He let his words fall all around Brian like heavy stones sinking to the bottom of the pond, and squeezing Brian's shoulder, he left his brother alone.

***7***

"If they don't go after the missing ones, we might lose them, or they could get hurt." Guthrie was explaining. "It happens every year. We seem to always have one or two stubborn ones, who double back or wander off. It doesn't take long to find them."

"Does everyone go?" Hannah asked as they sat together at the table peeling apples for the pies she was making.

"No, usually just Adam and Brian, or sometimes Adam and Crane. Hey, Hannah, you should go!" Guthrie said. "You and Adam could go together. It would be like a honeymoon." He smiled at her, and she couldn't help but smile back. Guthrie was infinitely loving.

"Oh, but I don't know anything about herding cows." She said.

"Grabbing stragglers is easy. There's nothing on the ranch easier." He looked at his sister-in-law. "I guess, it wouldn't be much of a honeymoon, for a girl - camping out and all."

"Oh, no, it isn't that." She patted Guthrie's hand. "I think it is a wonderful idea. I just don't know if I'm a good enough rancher to do the job."

"You are. You should ask Adam. It would be fun." Guthrie said studying her.

***7***

"Adam, can I talk to you?" Guthrie asked his older brother as he walked up from the barn.

"Sure, Guth. What is it?" Adam said continuing towards the house with Brian close behind.

"It's kind of private." Guthrie said. Adam smiled at Brian who nodded and went on inside the house. Adam walked over and sat down on the porch, tired from a hot day's work.

"Come here." He said motioning Guthrie to sit beside him.

"Are you gonna go after those stragglers?" Guthrie asked him.

"Yep. Probably day after tomorrow. Listen, Guth, I need a favor too. Can you keep an eye on Hannah for me, while I'm gone? I need someone to make sure the boys don't drive her crazy while I'm away."

"Sure, Adam, but that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What?" Adam looked at his little brother. "You want to talk about Hannah?"

"Yeah. You should take her to get the stragglers, not Brian." Guthrie said.

"Oh, I don't think she'd . . ." Adam began.

"She'd love it. She's a real good rider and catching stray's is easy. It would be sort of like a honeymoon trip for her." He looked up at Adam with bright eyes.

"That's a really nice idea, Guthrie." Adam reached out and put his arm on Guthrie's shoulders. "I don't know if she'd even want to go."

"She would. I talked to her about it. Besides, she'd want to be anywhere you are." Guthrie smiled at him. "You should take her. She works really hard, and deserves something nice."

Adam was amazed daily at how much Guthrie had taken to Hannah. He had not one single thought about his brothers when he'd impulsively married her. His only thought was her, and being with her every day and every night. But looking backwards at it, he could see the impact she had on the house. Guthrie was nearly always at her side, and he would lean his head against her shoulder. It brought tears to his eyes, as he remembered Guthrie a baby in his mother's arms.

"You like her? You aren't mad I got married?" Adam asked him.

"Why would I be mad?" Guthrie looked at his brother. "I didn't think I'd like having a girl around the house, but she's . . . I don't know. I like her a lot. I feel happy around her." He stood up. "You should take her." He turned and went into the house.

***7***

"I think we should leave in the morning." Brian was saying. "If that's alright with your Mrs."

"Listen, Brian. I been thinking, but I think maybe you should skip this trip." Adam said trying to decide the best approach.

"You gonna take Crane? I thought he had the appointment over in Fresno with a potential buyer?"

"No, I was . . . well, I was thinking of taking Hannah." Adam waited expecting an explosion.

Brian studied Adam and then said brusquely, "Sure, whatever." And walked out the front door slamming it behind him.

Adam sighed.

"What was that?" Crane asked coming into the front room.

"Brian." Adam said. "I was thinking of taking Hannah with me to catch the strays. I guess Brian didn't like the idea." He sat down heavily on the couch.

"Oh." Crane said. He looked at Adam, and sat down across from him. "I think that's a good idea. You should take her."

"Guthrie suggested it."

"He loves her." Crane said. "He did from almost the first minute."

"You think I was wrong to bring her here?" Adam asked.

"You think we expect you to live like some kind of monk? God, Adam! You are allowed to have a life. Brian's just . . . he doesn't manage change well, you know that. It doesn't help that she looks a little bit like . . ." Crane looked at his older brother. "Brian's just insecure and you know how new people frighten him. You could've let us meet her first. You could've brought her home before you married her. You could've at least talked about her!" Crane laughed. "But I don't know, it's like you to just show up married."

"I could've done better by you fellas, and by her. I was just . . ." He sighed. "I loved her so, and I wasn't thinking about much else. And I thought if she knew, she'd run for sure. I mean, what girl dreams of someday marrying a man and helping him raise six orphaned brothers? I don't remember a fairytale that went like that."

"It wasn't a mistake. She belongs here. She's family, and Brian, well, Brian's Brian. He hides behind that temper of his. He's just scared, Adam. You know that."

"Yeah." Adam said. He looked at Crane. "I'm gonna take her with me, if she wants to go. Brian can . . .he's just gonna have to deal."

***7***

"You missed a really good pie." Adam said when he found Brian later.

"I'm not that hungry." Brian said.

"Listen, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, Bri. But I'm gonna ask Hannah if she wants to go. I think she'll like it. Look, Brian, I didn't even think of it. It was Guthrie's idea."

He looked at his brother, and couldn't help but think of all that they had been through together. It had been so difficult and only Brian was old enough to really understand what choosing to take care of the brothers had meant; what it had cost.

"I know I'm being a jerk." Brian said. "I'm not stupid."

"It was wrong for me to not even mention her; to just bring her home like I did. It wasn't fair to her, or to you." Adam admitted. They remained silent until at last Brian spoke.

"He doesn't wake up any more." Brian said turning and looking at Adam.

"I know."

"Not once. Eleven years of waking up every single solitary night, crying for his mother." Brian said.

"Yeah."

"She's with us three days, and he sleeps the whole night through." He looked at Adam. "It's like Guthrie was waiting for her. Have you watched them together? He loves her, and he's really happy." Brian sighed. "I just . . . sometimes I wonder if I have place now? Of course, I want you happy. Why wouldn't I want that? And she's . . . I mean, Jesus Adam, that's no ordinary girl, even I have to admit it. She didn't run screaming from the house - I would've! And it's not just me feeling left out. If anything ever happened to her, you'd be . . ."

"Nothing's gonna happen to her." Adam said.

"How can you say that? Bad things happen all the time." Brian said seriously. Adam studied Brian thinking that his brother was lot more complicated than he ever thought.

"Hey, good things happen too, Brian." He smiled at him, and reached out and grabbed hold of Brian's neck squeezing it. "Lots of good things happen. Huh? Judges decide to let a couple of teenage boys try their hand at raising their brothers, schools rearrange schedules so one kid can be home to help his older brother, and little boys sleep through the night, at last."

"He'd be pissed if he heard you called him a little boy." Brian laughed. "I'm sorry, Adam. I'll try really hard."

***7***

"So we're leaving tomorrow to get those stragglers." Brian told his brothers, watching his sister-in-law's face.

"It shouldn't take more than four or five days. It means extra chores and I expect everything to be in good shape when I get back." Adam said.

"There's just one thing," Brian said. "I was thinking that instead of me, you should go with Adam, Hannah." He watched her eyes grow big with surprise. "You're a good rider, and you'll do fine."

"I . . ." She looked up at him, her eyes huge, and then they filled with tears, and Brian felt a wave of shame come over him that he'd been so mean to her. "I'd like that."

"Don't worry about things here." He told her. "I can take over the cooking." He grinned as his brothers all moaned.

"Oh, don't go Hannah! You don't want to be chasing after smelly cows." Daniel said. "Please! We'll starve!"

"You never minded before." Brian said insulted.

"I'd never had great food before." Daniel said.

"Brian's brisket is much better than mine." Hannah said and it was true. He knew how to roast a brisket to perfection."

"I'm glad someone appreciates my cooking." He said and winked at her. "You two don't get lost up there. I can only fix brisket so often."

Hannah smiled in wonderment seeing that he was trying just as hard as she was. She glanced around at The Brotherhood and was surprised to discover that she was going to miss them.


	2. Chapter 2

_Nine Years Earlier . . ._

Adam McFadden shifted uncomfortably in the chair and looked across the desk at the doctor. He glanced at the clock and wondered just how long he'd have to sit here.

"You seem a little nervous." Dr. Richards said.

"I've never been to a psychiatrist. I don't think anyone in our family ever has." He explained.

"You understand why you are here?" She asked him.

"Yeah, I am here for Daniel." He said.

"Well, that's true, but your caseworker thought you talking to someone might be helpful."

"Me? No, it's Daniel who's been having trouble. He keeps bursting into tears at school and getting into fights. He's a real sensitive kid. He always has been. He feels things really deeply. And, well, it's been a tough year." Adam explained.

"Why is that?" The doctor asked.

"Didn't they explain things to you?" He looked around. "Geez. Our parents died just over a year ago. It was a bad car crash, and so we've been on our own." He had thought this would be a waste of time and now he was sure of it. She didn't even do any research before he came in.

"I read about that when it happened. You were eighteen?" She asked.

"Not quite. It was just less than a month before my birthday." He said irritation showing in his voice.

"So, you were still a minor?" She said.

"Yeah, I guess." He looked at her. "Why does that matter?"

"But you have custody of your brothers. It is unusual. They should've gone to a home or homes. They were allowed to stay with you even before you turned eighteen."

"You think they should've been ripped from their home too? Losing their parents wasn't enough?"

"You seem agitated." She said tilting her head at him.

"It just seems like you should've reviewed things before I came in. I shouldn't have to explain everything to you."

"You don't like talking about your parents?" She asked.

"No. I didn't say that." He sighed. "Look, I'm doing the best job I can, but Daniel's . . . he's a really good kid. But he misses Mom. She understood him best, and I'm just . . .I don't want him suffering. Do you think that he should talk to you? And if he does, will you be nice to him? I can't have him . . ." He paused unsure.

The doctor studied him saying nothing, and then when she did, Adam was confused by it. "Do you go out at all?" She asked him.

"What?"

"Do you go out with friends? Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What the hell has that got to do with Daniel?" Adam asked rising. "Look, I think maybe this is a bad idea. I don't have time for . . ."

"Adam, sit down, please. I think that your caseworker is correct. I know you could benefit from taking some time out to talk to someone. You've got a pretty unique situation. I doubt you've got any friends who understand."

"No, but I'm doing alright. It's Daniel who's having a really tough time." He sat back down in the chair.

"I will meet with your brother. You are right. I think it's a good idea, but I'd also like to meet with you. We can schedule the two of you together, so you only have to make one trip."

Adam sighed and looked out the window. He could see a man and woman walking down the street together, holding hands. He was overwhelmed with a wave of loneliness.

"I don't." Adam said quietly.

"Don't what?" The doctor asked.

"Go out with friends. They all went to school. And I don't have a girlfriend. I had one, but she went off to college and . . ._you _know any eighteen year old girls who are just dying to meet a guy and help him raise his kid-brothers?"

"No. I can't say I do." She said. "And how do you feel about it?"

"Oh, I don't know. I don't really think about it. I'm busy all the time. I don't think I could go out, even if I wanted to. There's the ranch and my brothers. My littlest brother Guthrie is only three and he's kind of clingy with me."

"I would imagine." She said. "I'm going to have my secretary set up appointments for you and for Daniel for next week. I understand your schedule is pretty complicated, but this is important, Adam."

"I don't want Daniel suffering like he is. He's just so . . . broken-hearted, and I don't seem to be able to help him - at least not as much as I'd like, or as much as he needs."

"I'll set it up, alright?" She said. "It was a pleasure meeting you Adam." She extended her hand. Then turning she lifted a book off her shelf. "I don't imagine you have much time to read, but this is a really good book for parents to help their children with bereavement." She handed it to him. "It might be helpful for you."

He accepted the book. "I've read about twenty books on parenting already. The librarian must think I'm a teen father." He said.

"You are a good brother, Adam." She said, but he shrugged his shoulders, and left.

***7***

"I don't wanna go, please don't make me Adam!" Daniel whined as he sat beside Adam in the jeep.

"Listen, buddy. I understand. Just go. She's nice. I met her."

"If people find out . . . Adam, I'm already a freak." Daniel rested his chin on his hand and looked out the window.

"No you aren't." Adam said gently.

"Oh yeah? Did anyone else in the fourth grade burst into tears in the middle of reading because of that stupid story about the boy finding his father in the wilderness? Did anyone else have their BROTHER come to the Mother's Day Tea? No! Just me." His big brown eyes filled with tears.

"Hey," Adam said reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. "Hey. Come on, man. We are doing okay, huh. We are gonna make it."

"Please don't make me go! Dad would never talk to a psychiatrist." He turned toward Adam, angry.

"No, he wouldn't. Course he didn't need to, did he? He had Mom, and his parents didn't die when he was eight, either." Adam looked at his little brother who was hunched down; a portrait of misery. "Hey, buddy. Let's just give it a try. We can talk about it afterward, okay?" He pulled the jeep to a stop at the doctor's office. "Danny?"

Daniel sat hunched and Adam realized he was crying. "Hey, Danny. It's okay."

"I'm really sorry about the fights. I'll try to do better. I don't mean to be bad." He covered his face with his hands.

"You aren't bad. Listen, Danny, you are a really good kid. Mom and Dad would be real proud of you. You are always taking good care of Evan and Ford. And who was the one that remembered to put a dollar under Evan's pillow when he lost that tooth? You are a good brother."

"I just get really mad sometimes. I can't stop myself." He looked up at Adam.

"Yeah, I know. And maybe talking to this doctor will help. She's really nice, Danny. I promise. Just try, okay? I'm not making you go here because you are bad. We just want to help you buddy. That's all."

"Okay." Daniel said and he drew his sleeve across his eyes. "Are you gonna walk in with me?" He looked small and frightened.

"Of course, buddy." They climbed out of the jeep and as they crossed the parking lot, Adam reached out and held onto his little brother's hand.

***7***

"What am I supposed to do?" Adam said nervously.

"Well, we can talk about anything you'd like." She said.

"I haven't got anything really. I'm just worried about Daniel. Did he do okay? He was really upset coming here." Adam looked around anxiously.

"We had a good talk. You can ask him about it." She studied him thoughtfully. "Were you close to all your brothers before your parents died?"

"Um, not the little guys. I mean. We live on a working ranch. You get to know people pretty quick working side-by-side. But I was in highschool, and played sports, so I didn't spend that much time with Evan, Ford and Guthrie. I bet I wouldn't really have known them at all if I'd gone off to school like I was supposed to."

"You were going to school?" She asked curious.

"Yeah, I had a scholarship and everything." He sighed. "But I couldn't leave the boys or the ranch."

"Why not?"

"What do you mean why not? There isn't anyone else. Our only relative is a great-aunt. She lives at home in Oregon and doesn't know who we are."

"You must have been given other options. I am sure some of the local families would've been willing to take in your brothers - especially the little ones. You didn't consider it?" She asked.

He sat back studying her. He felt a wave of anger rise up inside him, but instead of giving way to it, he folded his arms and sat back in the chair, silent.

"You seem pretty angry? Why is that?" She asked him.

"Aren't you a doctor? Why don't you figure it out!" He was shocked at his own rudeness and was relieved his mother wasn't around to see it.

"It makes you uncomfortable to talk about any other options. Why do you think that is?" She asked him.

"I don't like you talking about my brothers like that. You can't just run from responsibility. Brothers always have to stick together first." His voice came out brittle and harsh.

"I hate doing laundry." She said and he wrinkled his forehead confused as he listened to her. "I don't hate washing it. I really hate folding it and putting it away. It weighs pretty heavy on me. It is always there waiting. I feel bad about it too. I've got a family and I always think that a good mother wouldn't hate laundry, but I do. It is a responsibility that I want to run from every single day." She raised her eyebrows at him.

"That isn't the same." He said.

"Do you think it makes me a bad mother because I don't want to fold my daughter's socks?" She asked him.

"I don't know if you are a good mother or not." He said avoiding answering the question.

She smiled at him. "I can see how you earned a scholarship. Was it academic?"

He nodded his head. She glanced at the clock. "I've got a homework assignment for you."

"You didn't say anything about homework." He said.

"I am saying something about it now." She responded. "I want you to be able to tell me about at least three things that made you angry when we meet next week."

"I can tell you three things right now, but it might hurt your feelings." He said.

"I bet you can." She laughed. "No, I want you to tell me three things that make you angry about taking care of your brothers."

"Oh, I don't know about that." He said.

"You don't have to do it now. You've got 'til next week to think of something."

***7***

"Did she talk about me?" Daniel asked him on the drive home.

"No." Adam said.

"Well, why did you talk so long? What were you talking about?" Daniel looked up at his brother.

"She wants me to talk to her too. She thinks it would help." Daniel looked surprised and studied his older brother thoughtfully.

"I won't fuss next time. It wasn't so bad." Daniel said.

"Well, that's good." Adam said smiling at him. Daniel sat back in the seat his head tilted up at the sky. "Do you think I'll have time to ride my bike? After chores, I mean."

"Be dark soon, pal. Maybe not." Adam sighed remembering riding bikes with his friends through the hills and up and down trails. He would come home covered in dirt and mud, and his mother would make him strip on the back porch before coming into her clean house.

"_Junior! Did you leave any dirt on the ground? It looks to me you brought it all home with you." She would say but she would be smiling so he would know she wasn't really mad._

"_Oh, leave the boy alone, Katie. It's what boys do." His father would say to her._

"_Don't I know it!" His mother would say with a laugh._

"Maybe you could ride around on the porch, if you promise not to ride up and down the stairs - that would be safe, and the little ones would try and copy you." Daniel's grin filled his heart with a happiness that was greater than any he could have experienced at some college frat party - at least that's what he often told himself.

***7***

"So, his teachers say he's much better. He hasn't cried at school in weeks, and when he started to get upset the other day, he went right to his teacher and told her. He did just what you said. It was a really good day for him. For both of us." Adam said smiling.

"I'm glad. I don't think Daniel needs to come in every week any more. He's made a lot of progress and he has learned to communicate what he's feeling - even if it is sometimes through music. I think you pulling out your parents guitar for him was really great."

"He's not suffering so much now." He said.

"And what about you?" Dr. Richards asked. "You still have completed that assignment I gave you."

"I did too." He said grumpy.

"You told me you hated all the dishes. I asked you to tell me three things that made you angry about taking care of your brothers. Even if that one counted, which it doesn't, that only makes one thing." Dr. Richards studied Adam who turned his face away and looked out the window.

"If Daniel doesn't need to come back, I won't be making the trip into town either. It's too hard. I have to get a sitter for Guthrie, and it cuts into my work day." He said not looking at her.

"I understand. Adam?" Dr. Richards waited. "Adam, I'm not angry about it. Look, maybe it isn't time for you to deal with all of this yet. I don't plan on going anywhere and you've got an open invitation. But listen, Adam, can I just give you a little bit of advice - just a little."

He turned and looked at her. "I guess. I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I just . . . well, I'm not one for talking."

"I can see that. The anger you feel sometimes, is only natural. You put every plan and every dream you had for yourself on hold. And isn't like Guthrie's gonna say, 'Thanks for giving it all up'. He just expects you to take care of him."

"I love Guthrie." Adam said defensively.

"Your love for your brothers isn't in question. Putting your inner feelings aside like you're doing, isn't a good idea. You need someone to lean on, and it doesn't have to be me. Right now, you are pretending that it doesn't make you mad that you can act like any other nineteen year old. Maybe you think it would be disrespectful or disloyal to your parents, or maybe you think it would mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean any of those things. You are a human being, Adam. You are allowed to have negative feelings."

He rose. "I sure appreciate all you've done for Daniel, and I know you wish I'd come back, but you've helped me a lot too."

"You can come back any time, and you can call any time too." Dr. Richards smiled at Adam. "I wish there were more young men like you, who cared about responsibility and family. But I think a day will come when you'll wish we'd talked more. You feel things deeply too, just like Daniel." She smiled at him. "Someday, probably not too far off, you'll find yourself the right girl, and maybe when you're married or maybe even before your temper will hurt her feelings, and you'll wish we'd talked more."

"No girl is ever gonna want to marry me." He said laughing. "I got six kids. No one in their right mind would sign up for that!" He shook her hand. "I do appreciate it, and I do listen."

He walked out the door and found Daniel waiting.

"Can we go now?" He asked.

"Yep." Adam said and walked out the door without ever once looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

It took longer to reach the tops than it should have. They had stopped twice. The first time was because Adam's horse, Midnight, had got a rock in his hoof. It took a few minutes to dislodge it. The second had been because, well, Hannah was beautiful and they were alone for once. He lay on the blanket they'd spread out on the green grass staring up at the bluest sky with his wife in his arms thinking that he'd never been so grateful for the stubbornness of cows.

As a result, it was late afternoon before they reached the area they always called The Tops. The name had come from his own babyhood. He had asked his mother where his father had gone and she had pointed to the distant hills. "Is Dada at the hills?" He'd asked.

"Yes. He's with our cows." She told him holding him on her arms.

"At the bottom of the hills or the tops?" He'd asked looking out to the distance.

"The tops." She told him laughing and the name had stuck.

They set up a simple camp; a small tent and a fire pit for cooking. It was too late in the day to really start searching for the cows, so they decided on an early start in the morning. Hannah set to fixing some supper and he made sure the tent was secure.

"Tell me something I don't know about you." she said grinning across the fire at him when he'd sat down and turned to watching her cook.

"You know everything." He said.

"I doubt that." she laughed.

"Um, I can play the banjo."

"That's no surprise."

"What about you?" He asked.

She turned her head to the side, thinking.

"I had a goldfish named Robert that lived for ten years."

"That's an old goldfish!" He said impressed.

"Something else." She demanded.

"I used to be scared of thunderstorms. I'd hide under the bed, and my Mom would have to drag me out. Once, a storm hit when we were out in the meadow, and my Dad said I climbed and hid under a cow." He laughed at the memory.

"I bet you were a cute boy." She said smiling.

"I was adorable." He winked at her. "Your turn."

"Hmm . . .I hadn't lived in an actual house since I was ten years old, until the day I married you." She said. "And I hated living in trailers and apartments. I would disappear sometimes, desperate to get where there was some green grass and sky, and my mom would have to hunt me down. Once she found me nearly fifteen miles from home. I'd walked to a meadow that was just outside of Denver."

"Country girl trapped in the city." He said looking at her, and he felt a wave of protective sadness and anger that her father's love of alcohol had so harmed her. "Well, land I can give you, sweetheart, but not much else." She was crossing over to the tent to get their plates, and he caught her hand in his and kissed it.

"We should've played this game before we married." She said thoughtfully. "The subject of your brothers might have come up." She squeezed her fingers and released his hand to go back to cooking.

"You know," He said looking for a way out. "You are very beautiful."

She laughed then. "Don't sweet talk me."

"Alright then." He said crossing to where she stood and pulling her into his arms. "No talking then." And he kissed her under a blanket of bright blue sky and neither one of them ever noticed when the dinner she'd prepared, burned.

***7***

"We'll work our way across." He said pointing. "The smartest thing is start where there's water, right?" She nodded. "So, we'll start at that little stream and work in opposite directions until we meet up again."

"And if I find one, I drive it back to the camp and corral you set up." She said.

"Easy." He said encouragingly. She raised an eyebrow at him. "You can do this, baby. No problem."

It was still early and not hot yet, but Hannah could tell it soon would be. However, she was blissfully happy. Guthrie had been right; it really was a honeymoon of sorts. She was thinking of how much her life had changed in such a short time, and how happy she was, when she was startled by a nearby sound. She looked up surprised that she stumbled on one of the missing cows, nearly by accident. She circled it and began to lead it forward when she realized it was tangled in some brush. She dismounted and worked carefully to free the animal, but made one crucial error, and approached the cow from behind. It was at almost the exact instant that the cow kicked her in the head that she suddenly realized that it was probably a bad idea to come from behind the troubled animal. She flew backward and found herself looking up at the bright sun, and then all went black.

***7***

Adam felt, rather than saw, Hannah's riderless horse. It hit him like a shock, and he knew instantly that something was wrong. He remembered Brian saying, "If anything ever happened to her . . ." and he feared his brother was a prophet. He didn't know why his mind always thought of the worst thing first, but it did, and he pictured his bride laying dead at the bottom of a cliff. Grabbing the reigns of her horse, he rode back in the direction that the horse had come from. It took him a good hour to find any evidence of her, but finally heard the low sound of a cow in the distance and followed it. He didn't remember jumping off the horse, or even running to her. He only remembered seeing her laying, with a bruised and bleeding forehead and feeling as if the entire world had stopped and turned silent, as he knelt over her listening for the beating of heart. He lay his ear on her chest, and actually cried out loud, when he heard the steady thumping of heart. He exhaled loudly, and taking his handkerchief, he began to clean the cut on her head. The curved shape of the cut told him everything. Her eyes fluttered open, at about the same time an unreasonable anger settled over him.

"Adam?" She said blinking up at him.

"What in the hell were you doing?" He asked shocked by the level of his rage.

"I . . . I . . . forgot and came from . . .Adam." She lifted her hand and touched her head, her eyes filling with tears.

"That's a good way to get yourself killed!" He said still angry and he could see the hurt in her eyes. He sighed inwardly and thought of the last thing that Dr. Richards had said to him when he was just nineteen; maybe she'd been right after all.

Hannah moved to sit up, and holding her head she said, "I'm sorry. I know better than to come from behind like that. I'm sorry." She looked so wounded that a wave of guilt washed over him.

"No, I'm sorry. I . . . you . . ." He fumbled to find a way to express how panicked he had been. "You gave me a scare." He said at last, his voice thick with emotion. "I was just really worried."

She tried to nod her head, but he could see it was too painful.

"Come on," He said. "Let's get you back to camp, honey." He helped her up, and leading the horses they walked slowly back to camp.


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you want to talk about that day?" Dr. Richards asked him during their fourth session.

"No. Why would I want to talk about that?" He tried to hide his anger from her, knowing she would point it out; ask about it.

"Sometimes, talking about things let us release it." She studied him.

"I don't want to." He said. "Maybe some other time." He looked out the window, turning his mind away from the faces of his brothers as he had stepped into the room, with Sheriff Hawkins just behind him. He had remembered thinking, _"This is it. This is the moment where everything changes for them. I will open my mouth, and they will be destroyed."_

"Do you think about it often?"

"No." He lied.

She smiled at him, and sighing said, "You know Adam, I could be helpful to you, if you were honest with me."

"Are you calling me a liar?" He said furiously.

"No. You aren't a liar in the traditional sense, but you've become very good at avoiding things that bring you pain. That works for awhile, but over time, it loses its effectiveness."

"Listen, I don't really have time for this today. We've got a lot to do at the ranch, and I can't leave Guthrie with Marlene forever." He rose.

"Okay." She said and he turned toward her surprised.

"You aren't gonna try and stop me?" He asked.

"No one can make you do what you don't want to. I can't force you." Dr. Richards said.

"But you think I'm not handling things well." He said sitting back down.

"It isn't like that Adam. I have concerns for you. I worry that you don't have anyone you can turn to or lean on, and everyone depends on you." She studied his face and he sat silent not moving. "Adam?"

"I just wish . . ." He said his voice thick with tears. "I wish they were still with me." He looked up at her then.

Dr. Richards said nothing. "Go ahead, Adam."

"No." He said swallowing down tears, and scooting forward as if to rise. "I got lots to do and . . ." But he couldn't fight the tide of tears and sat helpless on the couch sobbing.

Dr. Richards said nothing, but handed him a box of tissues. He cried for a few minutes, and then forced himself to stop, embarrassed.

"I'm . . . I'm sorry." He said. "I better go. My hour is up." He rose.

"I'll see you next week." She said and he was relieved she didn't talk about his crying. "You still owe me that homework."

"I don't know." He said looking at her. "It's hard to come in every week."

"My secretary can watch Guthrie." She said. "And I need to meet with Daniel."

"He's doing much better. He's happier. I should say thank you for that. He's . . . I . . .thanks." He said reaching out and shaking her hand.

"It's my pleasure." She said and watched him put his hat on and leave the room.

He walked out and said to Daniel, "Come on, Danny. Let's go, partner." They walked out together.

Sheila her secretary said, "Those boys. You can't help but feel sorry for them. I know I'm not supposed to get involved emotionally, but . . ."

"Yeah." Dr. Richards sighed. "I doubt they'll come in much longer. The little one is doing well, and the older one . . .he's not ready yet."

"I can't imagine it. He's only nineteen?"

Dr. Richards nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but realized she'd probably said too much to Sheila already.

"They had really good parents. You can tell. He's a strong young man. I hope someday, he has someone he can lean on." She turned and went back inside her office, but Sheila continued to watch them as Adam and Daniel climbed into the jeep and drove out of town.

***7***

"So, we just have the one soccer game on Saturday, and then nothing else. We should be able to get that fence repaired in the in between time." Brian said.

"Yeah." Adam said, his voice weary.

"You okay? You aren't getting sick are you?"

"No." Adam looked at Brian. "It sounds good."

"You've been kind of . . . since you came back." He looked at Adam. "You like talking to the doctor?"

"No." Adam said. "I actually kind of hate it. But she's really nice and means well. I just don't have time for it."

Brian nodded. "Remember last month when we were out near the Tops, and I was trying to get that stupid bull to let me check his leg, and I got so frustrated?"

Adam smiled, "Yeah, you about used every swear word in the world. I'm glad Guthrie was sleeping through it."

"And then, I tried to kick down that lean-to." Brian said seriously. Adam looked at his younger brother. Brian had been furious and it had taken Adam about fifteen minutes to realize that Brian wasn't mad about the cow at all. It was after he started kicking at the lean-to that he'd realized his brother was fighting against something much, much bigger than a stubborn bull. He'd gone to him then, pulling him back from the lean-to, and Brian had collapsed against the earth sobbing. Adam had sat with him saying nothing, and they'd never spoken of it. When he was done, Brian had risen and they'd both set to work.

"Maybe you should . . ." Brian began, but Adam cut him off.

"I appreciate it, Brian. I'm doing fine." Adam said and rising and locking the front door, he'd gone upstairs. He stood at the window looking out over the ranch. It was pitch black and nothing to see really. He sighed sitting down on the window seat and remembered once, when his parents had left their door opening seeing his father sitting in this very spot, his mother's arms around him. He thought briefly, "If only . . ." and then stopped himself. No girl would ever want to take on all of this.


	5. Chapter 5

Hannah awoke with a headache the next morning but didn't tell Adam. Instead she decided to ignore it. They had managed to find four of the six missing cattle, and she was hopeful they could find the other two today. Adam had gone back, after he was sure she was alright, and freed the other cow from the branches that he'd been entangled in, and brought him back.

His temper was a surprise to her. Of course, they hadn't known each other all that long before they'd married. She didn't regret that, but there were some complications from marrying so quickly. His anger seemed to arise at odd times too. She could still feel the sting of his anger at her for being injured. It was foolish to come up behind an animal, even a city girl should know that. If she were completely honest she was still a little hurt by it, but feared saying anything. She didn't want to face his anger again.

He rode just ahead of her, his white hat shading his eyes. She sighed. He was unbelievably handsome. She had noticed him the very first time she'd ever seen him. It had been her first day in the cafe and she was setting one of the tables near the window, when he'd walked by with Ford beside him. He had smiled at something Ford said, and seeing his dimples, she'd actually taken a step back surprised at her own reaction. "Who's that?" She had asked turning to Sarah, who was working at the table beside her.

"That's one of those McFadden brothers. The oldest, I think. I get them mixed up." Sarah said.

"Is he married?" Hannah asked holding her breath.

"Oh! I see." Sarah said laughing. "Nope. He's shy though." She glanced at Hannah. with a grin. "Good luck is all I got to say. Though, he's real easy on the eyes, isn't he?"

Hannah just nodded, and then realizing that she hardly knew Sarah she covered it up with, "Oh, I don't know about that. He just looks like this friend of mine from highschool."

"Uh huh." Sarah said with a knowing smile.

She still was overwhelmed by his handsomeness, but now, knowing him better, she found that the most attractive things about him, had nothing to do with his dimples. He was steadfast, loyal and determined. It was strange, but after she'd gotten over the shock of living with seven men, instead of one, she'd come to find that the most attractive thing about him, was the one thing he feared would cause her to reject him. His love and care of his brothers spoke to something deep within her. She had never finished college, but she understood enough to know that she had chosen a man who was faithful and who embraced responsibilities because she'd been raised by a faithless man who had abandoned her.

He rode up beside her. "How's the head?" He asked again.

"It's fine. I just feel stupid for being so foolish . . ." She looked up at him.

"I feel foolish for being so . . .I'm sorry, Hannah." He looked down.

"You already apologized." She said. "Let's find those last two cows."

It took longer than he expected. The problem with cows, he often thought, was that they just weren't that smart. They behaved erratically and you could never predict where a straggler would go. He glanced across to where Hannah rode near the tree-line trying to flush out any lost cows. He felt a twinge of guilt. His temper had frightened her. His temper had hurt her; just as Dr. Richards had predicted. He knew she forgave him, but his sudden flash of temper, had surprised her. He wished he could've said what he'd really felt at the time, but he hadn't. A low mooing sound caught his ear, and he turned to see a cow trapped halfway down a cliff. He dismounted and leaned over the edge trying to determine the best way to bring the cow up. It was near the top, maybe twenty feet down from the edge. It was probably another sixty feet to the bottom. It made more sense to move the cow up than down. He grabbed some rope out of his saddle bag, and got ready to climb over the edge.

Hannah rode up. "You found one. Oh, how are we gonna get him up here?" She asked.

"_You_, are gonna wait over there in the shade and drink some water. _I'm_ gonna climb down and bring him up."

"It would make more sense for me to help you." She said.

"No, I got this. You don't need to worry. It's pretty steep and I couldn't have you slip and fall." He swallowed down a gnawing feeling of anger. "Just wait, alright?"

"No." She said stubbornly.

"What do you mean no?" He said.

"You are being stupid, Adam. I can help you. I'm not feeble. I just hit my head. Nothing bad happened." Hannah crossed her arms defiantly.

"Hey, you aren't a rancher. I am. I'm telling you I don't need help, so knock it off." His voice had a harshness to it.

"I can help." She said again.

"And I said no." He didn't hide the anger in his voice. They stared each other down.

"Fine." She said and turning teary eyed she walked her horse to a tree in the distance and sat down.

He sighed, deeply frustrated and worked at tying off the rope on a nearby tree. As he worked he realized that it would've been much easier to have a second pair of hands, but now stubbornness had replaced his good sense.

It was no surprise to him when his foot slipped and slid down the side of the hill, scratching his face and arms. "Of course." Is all he thought, trying to slow his descent with his feet. When he finally came to a stop a third of the way down the hill, he tried to accept the inevitable.

"Hannah!" He called out. "Hannah!"

She peered over the edge her face panic-stricken.

"Adam! Adam! Are you alright?" She was laying flat on the ground so it was just her face, he saw, her brown curls falling all around her.

"I'm okay, honey. I just got a few scratches, but I think, I'm gonna need your help."

She said nothing for a good minute, moving to sit up. She was too far away for him to clearly read her features.

"Honey?" He said.

"Just give me a minute, okay." Her voice was strange and it took him a minute to realize she was crying.

"Hey, baby, I'm okay. I just got bumped on the way down."

"Okay." She said. "Okay. I was just really scared. Damn it, Adam, why didn't you let me help you?" She felt a fury and suddenly, something clicked into place. Her anger dissipated and she didn't hear what he said so he had to repeat himself.

"I said I'll let you help me now. Honey?" He rose awkwardly.

"What I should I do, rancher man?" She said grinning at him.

"Oh, you are in for it when I climb up there, girl!"

"I certainly hope so." She said feeling happier than she had since she'd taken the spill the night before.

***7***

The sky was filled with stars and they sat leaning against a fallen log their legs stretched toward the fire, his arms around her.

"How's your head?" He asked.

"Just a little headache now. Not bad." She glanced up at him. "How's the arm?"

"Sore." He said.

"I'll bet." She said.

They had managed, together, to bring the cow up the hillside, and while she was cleaning his cuts, the last missing cow had wandered over to them on her own. Hannah had laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes, as the cow watched with disinterested eyes.

"So, this is the easy part of ranching?" She'd asked through her laughter. Just thinking of it made her smile even now. She glanced up at him from the flames of the fire.

"You get mad when you're upset." She said.

"What?" He said looking at the fire.

"When I fell you yelled at me." She said and he moved so he could look at her.

"Hannah, I'm really sorry about that. I've got a temper . . ."

"Yeah, but it isn't a real temper. You get angry when you are afraid." She looked at him her brown eyes warm and loving.

"What?"

"You thought something bad had happened. You _expect _something bad to happen. It's okay, Adam. It makes sense now. Before I figured it out, it scared me. It was like I didn't really know you."

"I don't . . . how . . ." He was shocked. Married for only four months, and it seemed like she could see inside to his inmost being.

"I was so scared when you slid down that hill, and at first all I could do was cry, but then when I saw you were fine, I got really mad. I was ticked you could make me feel that scared." She put her arms around him. "It made sense then." She smiled up into his face.

"I don't . . ." He hesitated unable to express himself. "Some things are hard for me." He said quietly.

"I can see that." She said. She said nothing, looking up into his eyes and he ducked his chin trying to hide from her, but she reached out and lifted his chin. "Hey," She said softly. "Its okay. I'll do my best to still be right here in fifty years." She wasn't surprised to see his eyes fill and he buried his face in her shoulder sobbing tears that had been tucked away for years and years and years.

"Eighty." He whispered, his voice heavy with tears. "Promise it."

"I already did." She said pushing him away just enough to look in his eyes. "_I do_, remember? It was just a few months ago, Mr. McFadden."

He laughed then. "I haven't forgotten, Mrs. McFadden."

***7***

"They're back!" Guthrie yelled from the front porch seeing the line of horses in the distance. He ran out to meet them.

"You didn't find them?" He yelled as Adam drew near.

"We did. But we put them in the pasture with the others." He said and drawing close he reached down and lifted Guthrie up on the horse behind him. Guthrie wrapped his arms around his brother and hugged him.

"I missed you, pal." Adam said smiling.

Guthrie turned. "I'm glad you're back." He said smiling at Hannah. "Did you have fun? Did you like it?"

"I did, Guthrie." She said smiling and riding up beside them. "Thank you for thinking of it. You were right. It was like a honeymoon." She grinned at him, but his eyes grew wide as she drew near.

"Hannah! What happened? You've got a big bruise! Are you alright? Adam, she got hurt!" Hannah was surprised at the fear and tension in his voice.

"I fell. I'm alright though. Your brother fell too. Wait til you get a look at his arms!" She smiled at Guthrie to show she was really fine.

"Adam?" Guthrie asked.

"She's fine, pal. Don't worry. I haven't lied to you yet, have I?"

"No." Guthrie exhaled loudly, and Hannah reached across to briefly touch his arm. "I'm okay Guth, really." He smiled at her with giant eyes that never failed to melt her. "I am sore and ready for a bath though!" She could see the white house in the distance, The Brotherhood gathered on the porch. Sighing she glanced over at her husband who rode with his back straight and tall, a white hat tilted on his head. "It's good to be home." She grinned at him.

***7***

Hannah awoke and rolled over toward Adam, but found she was alone. She sat up and looked around and saw him sitting at the window seat in a pool of moonlight.

"Hey." She said softly.

He turned toward her and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"I'm used to you already." She smiled at him, and throwing back the covers crossed to him. She was wearing one of his pajama tops and he had to smile. She had a bad habit of stealing his clothes. She stood beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and he put his arm around her waist.

"What are you doing up? Aren't you worn out?" She asked him running her hand through his thick hair.

"I had a dream." He said softly.

She turned to him surprised. "A nightmare?" She asked.

"I dream about it, sometimes." He said so softly that she almost couldn't hear him. "About that night." She moved and sat across from him. His chin was down and reaching out with soft fingers, she lifted his chin so she could see his eyes.

"You can tell me about it." She said gently.

"I've never told anyone." He said looking at her.

She said nothing for a long time, just silently holding onto his hand. "I am a part of you. You can tell me anything." She said.

"I know." He said looking up at her. "I'm sort of counting on it." He looked at her in the moonlight. Her brown curls fell all around her shoulders, and one leg was tucked underneath her. She wasn't tall, but had surprisingly long legs. It was after he'd married her, that he'd discovered that she was mostly leg. She saw him looking and smiled. "Adam?" She said blushing.

"You are just beautiful, sweetheart. You know that? I'm just . . ." He was surprised by sudden tears. "I'm just . . . I never thought anyone would ever want to . . ." He sighed.

"Anyone would want to, Adam. You are so good looking." She grinned at him, and he laughed. "Well, you are. Don't act like you don't know it."

"Your looks start fade when you mention you got six orphaned brothers." He said.

"Yeah, what kind of girl would want a man who's loyal, responsible and loves his family?" She turned so she sat with her back against him. He wrapped his arms around her kissing her neck.

"I love you, girl, you know that?" He said into her hair.

"I'm glad seeing as how I'm your wife. It makes it less complicated." She reached out and held his arms. "Now, stop avoiding it, and tell me." She looked up at him. He sighed.

"He always took her out right before round up. Every single year. I remembered being happy that it was my last year of babysitting." He looked down into her eyes. "I was leaving for college in, I can't remember now, something like twenty days. It was right before my eighteenth birthday. I remembered I'd been fussing for the last week because they both still called me Junior and I hated it. She always used to say that she didn't mind calling me Adam, but it got confusing when we were both around. Anyway, she got all teary-eyed right before they left."

"Why?" She asked softly.

"She realized that the next time they went out, I'd be gone. She knew once I left for college, I'd never really come back." He looked out the window. "I hated ranching."

"That's hard to believe." She said.

"I know. It was so much work, and I was young and thought I knew everything." He sighed. "So they left and then . . ." He cleared his throat. "Then there was a knock at the door. It must've been two in the morning or so. I'd fallen asleep. Sheriff Hawkins was there with his wife, and he drove me to the hospital."

"What did he say to you?" She asked.

"There was an accident and that I needed to come quickly. You know how long that drive is, and by the time we got there . . ." He said nothing for a long minute. "Mom was killed on impact, but they hoped to save Dad but . . .he was already gone when I got there."

"Adam, I'm so sorry." She said.

"It was so long ago." He said trying to shrug it off.

"Not really. What happened then?" She asked him.

"We waited til the morning and they brought the boys there. I don't remember why. I could've just gone home to them. There was a reason, but I can't remember it. Anyway, all the boys were in this private waiting room, and then I walked in and told them."

"_You_ told them? Why didn't the doctor or the sheriff?" Her eyes were wide with shock.

"I thought it would be better coming from me. I don't know. They were my brothers, and I knew they had nothing but me." He said nothing more.

"You must have felt so afraid. You must have felt so alone." She said and he could hear the tears that ran down her face. "Didn't you want to run? I would've."

"I did." He said in a whisper. "I wanted to run away and go to college and never look back. I thought about it when I first woke up every single morning for that whole first year." He shook with shame and fear. He had never, ever confessed it to anyone; not even Dr. Richards.

"Of course you did!" She turned around in his arms so she could see his face. "Adam, you were seventeen years old!" She reached out and put her hands on either side of his face. "You are such a good man! You are such a good brother! You think wanting to run makes you bad?"

He shrugged. "I never told that to anyone. Never. I was so ashamed. They were babies. They needed me. How could I want to run?"

She said nothing but pulled him toward her and he clung to her. He was shaking and he his whole body shuddered with sobs. She kissed his forehead and held him as he wept. His tears finally subsided and sitting back he looked at her, embarrassed.

"Not a very impressive display of manliness." He said shyly. She said nothing for a long minute holding onto his hands.

"My father ran." She said softly, and he raised his eyebrows surprised. "He eventually actually left, but he ran long before that. He ran down inside a bottle. _He_ never once cried. Not about anything. Not after he hit my mother. He didn't cry after he chased after me cursing when I was four years old, so that I hid in my closet. He didn't cry when he walked away from me when I was ten years old, leaving me sobbing in our front yard calling after him for hours."

"Hannah!" He said horrified wishing he could reach back through time, and protect her.

"You think that's what makes a man? Never crying?" She asked him and he met her eyes then The look they shared seemed to reach down into the very core of his being.

"No." His voice was steady and strong. "I think it makes him a. . ." But he didn't finish the sentence, not wanting to curse in front of her.

"Adam, wanting to run doesn't make you less of man, anymore than crying does. What makes a man is staying even when all you want to do is run. It's sitting with your three year old brother 'til he falls asleep and giving up every dream so they can still have theirs. You were more of a man at seventeen than my father was at thirty-five."

"I wish . . ." He said looking at her tear-stained face which shone in the moonlight. "I'm glad he's dead, Hannah. If I ever saw him . . ."

"Hush now." She said soothingly. "I grew up just fine, and I found a man who'd never, ever leave _his_ baby girl standing in the front yard crying for him to come back."

"Damn straight." He said to her, and she overlooked the cursing, understanding all the emotion behind it. "I miss them still." He confessed.

"Can I see where they're buried?" She asked. She had wanted to ask before but had been too afraid.

"Yeah, honey." He said leaning forward and kissing her forehead. "Would you mind if I took you somewhere else too?"

"Sure." She smiled up into his face. "I'll go anywhere with you."

"Really?" He asked with a wink, and rising, he took her by the hand and led her to their bed.

***7***

"What's left?" Dr. Richards asked her secretary. It was late afternoon on a Friday, and already she had thoughts of the weekend.

"Just one last appointment. It's a new patient who called a few days ago. Hannah Moss."

"I don't know anything about her. Was she a referral?" Dr. Richards looked puzzled.

"No, but it was her husband that called and he insisted and said you'd understand once you met her."

"Now I'm intrigued." Dr. Richards said. "We end our week with a mystery." She turned back to her office. "Show her in, once she's here."

It was a few minutes later that the door opened and a lovely brown-haired woman walked in and just behind her stood a tall man in a white hat.

"Adam McFadden!" Dr. Richards rose in surprise and happiness. She came around from behind her desk. "I can't believe it! It's been ten years!"

"It has." He said smiling and held out his hand. She shook it in both of hers. "This is my wife, Hannah." He put an arm around her.

"Oh! It is such a pleasure to meet you! Come in! Sit down!" She smiled at them.

"Well, we didn't want to take up too much time. I just . . ." Adam hesitated. "Hannah and me were talking and I thought."

Dr. Richards laughed. "I told you, you would find the right girl someday."

"You were right about a lot of things." He said. "I was just too young to appreciate it really."

"You were too badly hurt." She said. "Everyone heals in their own time. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard. You weren't ready for talking about it yet."

"I remember a lot of what you said." Adam smiled at her. "I know you thought I wasn't listening, but I was."

"I am so happy that you came to see me." Dr. Richards said. "How is Daniel? How are your brothers?"

"We are doing well. Guthrie is twelve years old." He reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture.

"Oh my!" She said looking at the picture. "I always wondered. Especially after I moved over here. I can't tell you how pleased I am. How long have you been married?"

"Just five months." Hannah said shyly. "Not long enough."

"Hannah's a wonder." Adam said. "Guthrie loves her to death already." He smiled at his wife.

"You seem very happy." Dr. Richards said.

"Well, I am." He said.

Later, driving back towards home with Hannah at his side he turned to her and said, "She was really patient and kind to me, but I wouldn't say a single word to her about anything important. I was locked up tight. She really helped Daniel though."

"She seemed really nice, and she was so happy to see you." Hannah said. "I'm glad you thought to bring me there." She smiled at Adam and tried to picture him just nineteen years old and struggling to raise a family, alone.

Later, he took her to his parents graves, and seeing his name etched in stone shocked her. She reached for his hand studying the headstones. He said nothing for a long time and then finally he spoke.

"This is Hannah Joy, my wife." He said. "I got married. I kept thinking no girl would ever want to take on those boys of yours, but she's pretty damn brave. Sorry, Mom. I wanted you to know. I'm doing much better now. I'm really, well, I'm happy. I wish you could've met her. I know you would've . . . there's nothing about her I don't love. You were a pretty good example of being happily married and I aim to try and live up to it. The boys love her too. You should see how happy she makes Guthrie. We still miss you. We think of you every day." He said nothing more, and pulling her close to him, he kissed her cheek and said, "Now, you've met the whole family, girl."

She smiled at him. "Yeah." She said very softly. "I've met my whole family now." Holding her hand in his, they walked away from the graves, together.


End file.
